A Sparkleforce Glam Lab Experience

What if getting your sexy back had very little to do with being sexier? And a whole lot more to do with feeling like you again.

101 Get Your Sexy Back is an 8 week online programme for perimenopausal women* using neuroscience informed burlesque to help you reconnect with your body, confidence and sense of self-authority.

Yep. Neuroscience.

Yep. Burlesque. Turns out they make surprisingly good friends.

And before your brain immediately goes:

• "NOPE. I can't dance." Or...
• "I don't have the body for burlesque." Or...
• "There is absolutely no way I am taking my clothes off on Zoom, Crystal!"

The good news is: You do not need to dance. You do not need a particular size or shape body. And your knickers can stay exactly where they are.

Let's start there.

The quiet unravelling

Somewhere along the way, things changed.

Maybe your patience got shorter. Things you used to tolerate now make you want to scream into a cushion. Your body doesn't respond quite the way it used to.

Confidence can feel there one minute and completely offline the next.

You might walk into a room feeling perfectly fine... then suddenly become very aware of your body.

Your age.

Your clothes.

Your stomach.

Your arms.

Whether you're taking up too much space.

Or not enough.

And there can be this strange feeling underneath all of it: Where did I go?

Because you're still functioning. Still doing the things. Still sorting everyone else out. Still replying to emails, remembering appointments, working, parenting, organising and generally keeping the wheels attached to the bus.

But inside?

Things can feel very different.

What's actually happening

Perimenopause has a rather inconvenient habit of making things harder to ignore.

The irritation.

The exhaustion.

The restlessness.

The things you've said yes to for years that suddenly feel like a very definite NOPE. That does not mean you're becoming difficult. It does not mean you've suddenly failed at being a functioning human. And it does not necessarily mean you need another mindset hack telling you to think more positively.

Sometimes the body is giving you information.

And if you've spent years pushing through, people pleasing, holding everything together and being the person everyone can rely on... you might not have had much practice listening.

That's part of what we do here.

Quiet, steady confidence

This is not about becoming the loudest woman in the room.

I am not interested in teaching you how to perform confidence.

You know the type: shoulders back. Chest up. Smile. Fake it till you make it. Meanwhile your nervous system is standing behind you waving both arms and shouting:

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Confidence isn't just something that happens in your thoughts.

It shows up in your body. In your breath. Your posture. Your voice. Your ability to make a decision without holding a three day board meeting inside your own head afterwards.

Your ability to say no.

Your willingness to be seen.

And your ability to recover when something feels uncomfortable.

That is the confidence we're interested in.

Quiet.

Steady.

Available more often.

The method

Enter the Sparkle System.

Yes, I gave nervous system regulation a sparkly name. LOL it would be rude not to.

The Sparkle System is my nine step framework combining neuroscience informed practices with embodied tools.

Some of the practices I teach publicly include:

Orientation: Helping the brain gather information about where you are now rather than reacting entirely from old information.

Heart coherence: Using breath and attention to support a steadier physiological state.

The physiological sigh: One of my favourite tiny nervous system tools because sometimes we need something practical rather than another inspirational quote.

From there we work with breath, touch, movement, visualisation and other tools.

And this is where things start getting interesting.

Because knowing something and being able to access it when your nervous system is yelling !!DANGER!! !!DANGER!! !!DANGER!! are two very different things.

The Sparkle System gives you practices.

Things to actually do. Things you can repeat. Things your body can begin to recognise.

Why burlesque

Then we add burlesque.

Because obviously.

Burlesque gives us a beautiful playground to practise being seen. Not performing perfectly. Not looking sexy for somebody else.

Being seen.

You get to notice things like: Where do I hold my breath? What happens when I move slowly? Do I immediately make myself smaller? What happens when attention comes towards me? Where does my body say yes? What does that feel like? Where does it say absolutely not?

Can I take up space without apologising? Can I move because something feels good rather than because I'm trying to burn calories or fix myself?

There is a lot of information there.

And we get to explore it with movement, humour, curiosity and the occasional feather boa.

Come as you are

You are NOT expected to arrive feeling sexy.

Please read that again.

You are not expected to arrive feeling sexy.

That would make the class rather redundant #CaptainObvious. You can arrive feeling awkward.

Self-conscious.

Tired.

Disconnected.

Nervous.

Curious.

Prudish.

Deeply suspicious of anything involving hip circles.

All invited and welcomed.

We're not starting with: Look how fabulous I am.

We're starting with:

Hello body. It's been a while. What's happening in here?

The shifts

What can begin to change?

Sometimes it starts very quietly. Your shoulders drop. Your breath gets deeper. You catch yourself recovering from stress faster. You notice you're speaking differently. You stop automatically explaining every decision. You say no to something without writing an internal thesis on why you're allowed to.

You wear the thing.

Apply for the role.

Go on the date.

Ask for what you need.

Let somebody see you.

Or simply stand in front of the mirror for a little longer without immediately finding something to criticise.

These aren't promised outcomes. Everyone's nervous system, history and circumstances are different.

But these are the kinds of changes students have described as they begin feeling steadier and more at home in themselves.

The internal stuff comes first.

Then sometimes it starts leaking into the rest of life.

In a good way.

The logistics

Here's how 101 Get Your Sexy Back works.

For eight weeks, you'll work through one main class each week.

Each class is approximately one hour.

The programme is online, so you can participate from home or your back yard.

You receive access to the full programme rather than having to wait for each lesson to unlock.

That means if your brain is saying: MORE PLEASE — you can keep going. And if life gets life-y and you need to slow down, you can do that too.

There is a suggested rhythm.

There is not a Sparkle Police officer checking whether you completed Week 4 by precisely 2:33pm on Thursday.

Although now I've said 2:33pm your brain will probably remember it. You're welcome.

Trauma-informed, always

And because this is trauma-informed...

You are always in choice.

That matters. You can make a movement smaller. You can sit something out. You can turn your camera off. You can watch. You can pause.

You can decide something isn't right for your body today.

You can change your mind.

There is no compulsory performance • There is no compulsory stripping • There is no gold star for pushing through discomfort.

This work is about building agency.

It would be rather ridiculous if I took yours away while teaching it.

Your teacher

Why am I teaching this?

I'm Crystal Mischief.

Mx Mischief if we're being fancy. My pronouns are they/them. Avoid matching my exterior with gender norms.

I have been teaching and performing burlesque since 2010. And in case you haven't guessed, I'm also a massive neuroscience geek.

That combination wasn't exactly part of a ten year business plan. Life had other ideas.

Over a period of 5 years I experienced four brain injuries. At my worst, I lost my vision, developed a significant stutter and had to relearn things as basic as sending an email and using Microsoft Word.

My nervous system and I got very closely acquainted. Not voluntarily. It was harrrrrrrrd. There were days when symptoms were so bad I would curl up in bed and dream about performing and teaching again.

The lights.

Noise.

Crowds.

All of the things I had loved become overwhelming.

Then there were other serious health issues. Anaphylaxis during planned surgery. Blood pressure readings heading into frightening territory. PTSD diagnosis. Perimenopause and then surgical menopause. Years of trying to explain to doctors that something was wrong and they refused to listen.

Throughout all of it there was Sparkleforce.

On some of my darkest days it gave me something to hang onto.

And while I would happily have skipped several parts of that particular educational experience, it changed how I teach. I did not just want to know nervous system theory. I needed tools that worked when things were hard.

That lived experience eventually sat alongside my postgraduate neuroscience study and years of embodied practice.

The Sparkle System came from all of it.

The science.

The teaching.

The mistakes.

The experimenting.

The very unglamorous moments.

And quite a lot of sparkle.

The investment

The foundational price is NZ$697

This is the foundational price for the first two rounds of 101 Get Your Sexy Back.

It will not be repeated.

The Founding Price closes 31 December 2026.

After those two rounds I'll be re-recording the programme again, refining what needs refining and building more into the experience.

Then the offer changes, with more things added in. And so does the price.

No weird fake countdown clock.

No "the price disappears in 7 minutes!!!" business.

Just the actual situation.

Two rounds.

NZ$697.

Then it changes.

NZ$697